One Step At A Time

I guess I didn't write last time what had caused the relapse. I'd gone in a hot tub. It turns out that is a big NO NO for people with MS - or perhaps anyone with a neurological disease. I finally went to see my MS doctor about a week after my last post on this blog, and his eyebrows climbed straight up his forehead when he heard what I'd done. He said that in the early days the method they used to diagnose MS was to put people in a hot bath! The reason they stopped doing that was because they didn't know what the long-term effects would be. Oh my. The good news is that he didn't think I'd done any permanent damage; the bad news is that it could take up to 6 months for me to recover. I'm writing in my blog today because for the first time since early November I'm feeling good again. I went for a 23 minute walk a couple of hours ago and it felt great. I didn't get any numbness in my legs, which is what had been happening the last few months. I just got numbness in my feet, which is normal for me, and it didn't start to happen until near the end of the walk. This is wonderful news.

I never did apply with a temp agency or do anything else regarding getting a job. It's all worked out perfectly, though. Former clients started calling me a couple of weeks ago regarding refinancing now that the rates are so low . I have 3 clients right now that I'm working with, and have two others who are waiting for rates to get even lower. I'd just renewed my broker's license last week, so I guess I'm back in the loan business. If anyone knows someone who wants to refinance or purchase and who lives in California, please give them my name and number.

I had a very nice holiday season. It was a nice mixture - I spent time with Trish and Stan, with Carla, and with my Lui family. There was a Christmas dinner at Judy and Dave Jaeger's (Deja's ex-in-laws)with Deja and Robert and Roxy and Brian as well as with Judy and Dave's family. Charlton flew down with the two boys the day after Christmas for a week and I got to see a lot of them as well. I even played scrabble with my two grandsons in my new place. I didn't know how the boys (ages 10 and 14) would react to the carriage house since it was so much smaller than what they were used to seeing me in, but they loved it and thought it was perfect for me. How grown up they are! I'm going to post a photo of 3 of my 4 grandchildren (unfortunately Kristopher wasn't there) because it gave me so much joy to spend time with them. There are many reasons that I don't regret the 30 years I was married to Elson, and they comprise 4 of them, in addition to the 3 kids (Deja, Charlton and Janet) and their various mates, who are more reasons.

It's a new year now, to go with my new life. It's been a year since Elson went to prison and over 5 months since the estate sale and my move. So much has happened. I feel like I'm a totally different person from who I was a year ago. My friends and my sister say I'm just becoming who I was, before I "disappeared", but it's more than that. I'm who I was, but I'm also a different, new, stronger person than who I was, and hopefully a wiser person. I have different needs and desires. I find I can live and be very happy with a lot less money. I dress differently. I eat differently. I drink a lot more! (just kidding - always with moderation) I find I have less patience for certain kinds of tv programs. My time has become more precious to me. I've learned to say no - I don't have to do everything, go out every time someone asks me, always be included. I love spending time by myself in my wonderful apartment. Sometimes I just sit on the couch, listening to music, and look around me and feel like pinching myself. Is this all real? Do I really live in such a wonderful space? Have I really found such a wonderful friend in my landlady, Carla? I've escaped from Hell, from a very dark space, and I've landed in the light. I still have challenges ahead of me (the divorce, my financial situation, figuring out my relationship with Elson when he gets out and hopefully establishing some kind of friendship with him, my relationship with the kids, finding a permanent means of income that I'm passionate about) but the operative word is challenges - not problems, not disasters. Just challenges. And they don't frighten me. I take one step at a time. I don't get as much accomplished in a day as I used to, but every day I take a step forward. What more can one ask for?