I was a bit serious in yesterday's post, so I thought I'd be a little lighter in this one. As you can see from the photo I posted, Trish and I had some girlie fun last weekend. We first had a pedicure (Trish's treat), which was nice and luxurious. Trish was a little concerned about my sticking my feet in hot water (memories of the famous hot tub incident), but I was careful to tell the pedicurist (is that a word?) to not make it too hot and everything was fine. I especially enjoyed the foot and leg massage. It reminded me that I'm supposed to be massaging my feet every night to improve the circulation. I'm going to try to do that. Trish sent me home with a tube of foot massage cream to help me remember.
Then we went back home and treated ourselves to a mud pack facial. That was fun! We applied the mud with a paint brush - it reminded me of watercoloring - let it dry until it became white and caked, then washed it off with warm water, leaving us with baby smooth skin. What fun.
Trish has now formally and completely moved into Stan's townhouse in El Sobrante. It's further out than Oakland and a longer drive, so I opted to take public transportation. Carla dropped me off at the train station here in Redwood City. I then took the train to Millbrae, where I transferred to BART (our version of an underground) which took me to Oakland where Trish picked me up. It was easy and painless, as the BART car was right across the track from the train and was ready and waiting for me, and only took about an hour.
The trip back, however, was another story. Trish took me to a BART station in Oakland that was bigger and therefore sure to have working elevators (I don't like to take an escalator when I have a suitcase and a cane). Unfortunately, this station had two lower levels, so you had to take two separate elevators, and of course the two elevators were two blocks apart from each other. By the time I got to the relevant track, I was exhausted, plus by taking the second elevator to the lower level I seemed to have bypassed the turnstile where you use your ticket. That unfortunately meant that when I tried to exit the BART car in Millbrae, I couldn't. The turnstile wouldn't accept my ticket because I hadn't used it at the start of the journey and thus the system couldn't figure out what the fare was (I have a senior/disabled card that's 62.5% discounted). I ended up having to walk all the way to the end of the platform where someone let me exit through an official gate. Then I discovered that the track for the southbound trains were on the other side, making it necessary to take an elevator up a level, cross over the tracks, then take another elevator back down to the platform. By the time I did this, dragging my suitcase, my cane, and my legs, I'd missed my train. And the trains only run once an hour. Oy.
The adventure continued in Redwood City where I had to decide whether to take a rogue yellow cab that was allegedly illegal because it was waiting right where you get off the train, or a suspicious white limousine that had tiny tiny lettering saying "American Cab" whose driver was jumping up and down shouting that I shouldn't take the yellow "illegal" cab and should take his. I spent about a minute trying to decide who was the bigger liar and finally opted for the white limo. All's well that ends well. I made it home in one piece. The entire journey took 3 hours. But it's still better than driving in the East Bay which I HATE.
My "cancer class" ended two weeks ago, but we all bonded and have decided to continue to go on the same days at the same time. One of us is also having a holiday party in a few weeks, saying that "since we all had such a good time in class, I'm sure we'll have an equally good time at a party." Everyone is very supportive of everyone else, and it almost feels like another village. I'm not lifting as much weight as I did before, however, due to some pains in my shoulder and those bruised ribs, but I plan on getting back up there soon. I'll let you know when I do.
However, I still miss the people from my exercise class at Canada College and so will continue to drop in there now and again. After Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday (which was a wonderful, fun occasion at Stan's sister's house), I went for a vigorous walk with my sister and Stan's two sisters and was surprised and thrilled at how well I did. It gives me hope for being able to do the walk in class. Of course, I always do better at night - I've begun to think I must have some Vampire blood in me. After all, my ancestors do come from someplace in Russia. Weren't there vampires there as well?
Speaking of Stan's family, they have welcomed me into their fold and accepted me as part of the family, along with Trish. So that's another family I can count on. The riches just keep increasing!
That's all, folks.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Giving Thanks
Thanksgiving was this past Thursday and as the name implies, it has caused me to look back over the past two years and think about both what I have to give thanks for and also what I need to let go of. It was two years ago this month that Elson was arrested and my life suddenly changed overnight. My life had been in limbo for quite some time, but this was a definitive event that I knew meant some huge changes. It's been quite a ride. There have been some highs and there have been some lows. I am hugely thankful to My Village that has been there for me throughout this journey, their arms held out to catch me when I've been about to fall, to support me, to advise me, to remind me of what I knew to be true but which at times I seemed to forget, to let me know that I was loved, to help me get past my fears of the unknown, and to help me celebrate and enjoy the new happinesses and joys in my new life. It seems that every day I call on them for one thing or another, and they are always there. They know who they are.
Elson has been out of prison for almost two months now and I have not heard one word from him. This was kind of a shock for me. I had not expected this. However, I am learning to accept it and to move on. It is after all for the best. It just seems so strange and cold, after 31 years together. But it is what it is. The only Lui's I have any contact with anymore are Brenda (who is a quasi Lui, or an ex-Lui), Linda Lui (another ex-Lui -- hmm, is there a pattern here?), Charlton, Janet and Kent, Kimberly, and Cameron and Devon. It is not what I expected or hoped, and it is at times still hard for me to digest. However, I have wonderful grandchildren who hopefully still think of me as their grandma.
It has given me cause for thought however. I have been searching for a family to be a part of ever since my father died. My sister has too. We never really felt part of a family growing up (that's another story and for another blog). We both found ourselves watching tv programs like Eight Is Enough and Family, yearning for something like that. We never had it with each other. We've always been estranged until recently. When I was with Trish over the weekend, she showed me an autograph book she had from when she'd left grammar school. There were comments in it not only from her friends and classmates, but also from each of our parents - but nothing from me. Even back then we weren't close; we weren't even friendly. I would embrace and become "adopted" by the families of all the boys I dated. I even adopted France as my home country and wanted to live there forever. And then I met Elson and I felt like I could stop searching.
Why am I going into all this now? Because I think for the first time I'm beginning to not only understand the meaning of family, but I am also truly experiencing it. I am experiencing it with Trish. She commented that she was happy and touched that I had chosen to spend Thanksgiving with her and Stan when I could have stayed home and spent it with Carla and Liza, which would have been so much easier for me since I had only to cross the street. My response to her was that of course I would spend it with her - she's my FAMILY.
I have two other families. I have my family consisting of My Village and other close friends. They see me as I am, love me as I am, have been with me through it all,and I know we'll be friends forever. There will be no sudden cutting me out of their lives.
My other family is here with Carla and the friends I've made through her, particularly Liza. I truly do feel like I'm part of a family with them. I haven't had this with friends since the old days in San Francisco, pre-Elson, with Kate, Larry, Richard and Rick and Dick and Dan. We had a wonderful family then, and we're all still close, except for Larry and Dick who passed away and Dan who retreated after Dick died.
N.B. I just heard from my French cousin Martine in Paris who had read my blog and she wrote to me "Don't forget that you have family who think of you in France and who love and admire you". How could I have forgotten them? It has been a love affair between us (Martine and her husband Jean-Christophe and their children and Martine's parents Francoise and Jacques - Francoise is my father's cousin). So I have four families! How rich can one be?
So I have a lot to be thankful for. One door closes and another one opens. Even though I'm still hurt by what has happened, I can smile through my tears as I consider my new life.
Other random news bits: my wonderful Aunt Anita Schaeffer has died. Many people remember her as the one who became like a mother to me after my parents died (along with my uncle Howie, who has been struggling with his health for years). Her passing leaves a large hole in my heart. I never really felt like an "orphan" because I always knew they were there for me. I owe them so much. I couldn't fly back to Florida for the funeral, but I did keep in close touch with my cousin Joanie.
That additional bookkeeping job didn't pan out - he never returned my calls. Trish keeps reminding me of how well everything has worked out so far and to just keep trusting that it will continue to work out. I'm letting everyone know that I'm looking.
My health is about the same, except for a nasty fall I took at work where I tripped on a loose rug and bruised my ribs. I've never had bruised ribs before and now I can empathize with people. It takes a long time to heal.
The holidays are fast approaching. This will be my second holiday season in my new home and my new life. I was slightly apprehensive last year, wondering how I would spend it. I'm not worried this year. I know whatever I do, I will be with people whom I love and who love me. And I think that is a good note on which to end this posting.
Elson has been out of prison for almost two months now and I have not heard one word from him. This was kind of a shock for me. I had not expected this. However, I am learning to accept it and to move on. It is after all for the best. It just seems so strange and cold, after 31 years together. But it is what it is. The only Lui's I have any contact with anymore are Brenda (who is a quasi Lui, or an ex-Lui), Linda Lui (another ex-Lui -- hmm, is there a pattern here?), Charlton, Janet and Kent, Kimberly, and Cameron and Devon. It is not what I expected or hoped, and it is at times still hard for me to digest. However, I have wonderful grandchildren who hopefully still think of me as their grandma.
It has given me cause for thought however. I have been searching for a family to be a part of ever since my father died. My sister has too. We never really felt part of a family growing up (that's another story and for another blog). We both found ourselves watching tv programs like Eight Is Enough and Family, yearning for something like that. We never had it with each other. We've always been estranged until recently. When I was with Trish over the weekend, she showed me an autograph book she had from when she'd left grammar school. There were comments in it not only from her friends and classmates, but also from each of our parents - but nothing from me. Even back then we weren't close; we weren't even friendly. I would embrace and become "adopted" by the families of all the boys I dated. I even adopted France as my home country and wanted to live there forever. And then I met Elson and I felt like I could stop searching.
Why am I going into all this now? Because I think for the first time I'm beginning to not only understand the meaning of family, but I am also truly experiencing it. I am experiencing it with Trish. She commented that she was happy and touched that I had chosen to spend Thanksgiving with her and Stan when I could have stayed home and spent it with Carla and Liza, which would have been so much easier for me since I had only to cross the street. My response to her was that of course I would spend it with her - she's my FAMILY.
I have two other families. I have my family consisting of My Village and other close friends. They see me as I am, love me as I am, have been with me through it all,and I know we'll be friends forever. There will be no sudden cutting me out of their lives.
My other family is here with Carla and the friends I've made through her, particularly Liza. I truly do feel like I'm part of a family with them. I haven't had this with friends since the old days in San Francisco, pre-Elson, with Kate, Larry, Richard and Rick and Dick and Dan. We had a wonderful family then, and we're all still close, except for Larry and Dick who passed away and Dan who retreated after Dick died.
N.B. I just heard from my French cousin Martine in Paris who had read my blog and she wrote to me "Don't forget that you have family who think of you in France and who love and admire you". How could I have forgotten them? It has been a love affair between us (Martine and her husband Jean-Christophe and their children and Martine's parents Francoise and Jacques - Francoise is my father's cousin). So I have four families! How rich can one be?
So I have a lot to be thankful for. One door closes and another one opens. Even though I'm still hurt by what has happened, I can smile through my tears as I consider my new life.
Other random news bits: my wonderful Aunt Anita Schaeffer has died. Many people remember her as the one who became like a mother to me after my parents died (along with my uncle Howie, who has been struggling with his health for years). Her passing leaves a large hole in my heart. I never really felt like an "orphan" because I always knew they were there for me. I owe them so much. I couldn't fly back to Florida for the funeral, but I did keep in close touch with my cousin Joanie.
That additional bookkeeping job didn't pan out - he never returned my calls. Trish keeps reminding me of how well everything has worked out so far and to just keep trusting that it will continue to work out. I'm letting everyone know that I'm looking.
My health is about the same, except for a nasty fall I took at work where I tripped on a loose rug and bruised my ribs. I've never had bruised ribs before and now I can empathize with people. It takes a long time to heal.
The holidays are fast approaching. This will be my second holiday season in my new home and my new life. I was slightly apprehensive last year, wondering how I would spend it. I'm not worried this year. I know whatever I do, I will be with people whom I love and who love me. And I think that is a good note on which to end this posting.
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