A new chapter has begun in both of our lives - in mine and in Elson's. He got out Friday - freedom finally,fresh air, Chinese food, people to talk to, large screen tv,comfortable shoes, a real bed, privacy - all things we take for granted and all things he hasn't had since January 16, 2008. Our wonderful son-in-law Kent drove down from Sacramento, only to do a u-turn to take Elson back up to Sacramento for the flight to Seattle. Deja and her significant other drove from San Jose to be there at Atwater for Elson's release, and also drove up to Sacramento in their car for the flight to Seattle. There was a family reunion (all 3 kids with Kent representing Janet), two of the grandkids. Elson is now ensconced at Charlton's and comfortably settled in, from what I hear. I'm happy for him. I think it's the best scenario of all scenarios that could have taken place, and everyone agrees with me. He will have surgery for his hernia, which has gotten quite large, in the next month, as well as surgery for his cataracts. Finally - good medical care. And lots of Chinese food. Let's keep our priorities straight, after all.
And life goes on for me. I wasn't sure how I would feel over this weekend, but I got through it ok. It's a bit strange to have him be out, and for us not to be together, but I know it's what's best for both of us. I'm lucky in that by the time it happened, I'd already settled into my new life. I spent a quiet weekend, resting, doing things with Carla, reading, watching tv, communing with my couch.
I've had a referral for a new part-time position as a bookkeeper for a local small company located in the town next to Redwood City. I've left him a voicemail message, but haven't heard back yet. I hope to hear soon. If that doesn't work out, I'll start putting the word out seriously and also look on Craigs List. I've been hit with some serious capital gains taxes, so I need to start supplementing my current income Pronto.
I don't think I've mentioned the wonderful gift from PG&E that Carla and I received a couple of months ago. Someone from their CARE program came out and inspected the premises and interviewed us, the result of which is that they replaced the 35 year old non-defrosting refrigerator up here with a brand new one from Sears. It's gorgeous and bright and has a large, sparkling freezer that is frost free. It's such a treat to put things in it and know that they'll be edible and not covered with bits of snow when I take them out, not to mention not having to defrost it every few weeks. They also winterized Carla's doors and windows, plugging up any leaks, did something with the insulation in the attic, and did something with the furnace. I don't know what they did exactly, but now when Carla turns the heat on, my apartment gets nice and toasty almost immediately. It's lovely. Just in time for our early winter. And to cap it all off, they replaced one of my torchiere lamps with a safer one that exactly matches my other one. How lucky can one be.
There's exciting news regarding the class I'm taking at the Y. Today I lifted the equivalent of 10,850 pounds! When I first started the class, I was lifting the equivalent of 2,450. It's been increasing every time as I both increase the repititions I do and also increase the weight, and I can feel the difference in my legs. I'm Super Woman!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Another Milestone
It's been over 5 months since I last posted and a lot has happened since then. The milestone referred to in the title is that I finally filed the petition for the divorce and served the papers to Elson in prison. He'd opted not to get early release to a halfway house in July and so is getting out on his official release date, October 9, less than a week from now. It's been a very rough one and a half years for him - I can't imagine what it's been like - and I'm happy for him that he's finally getting out. We still talk once a week and it's friendly and civil. The good part about having delayed for so long getting this done is that it's given him time to accept it and get used to the idea. He received the papers on Sept 23rd and immediately sent me back the required Acknowledgment of Receipt form which I then filed with the court along with the Proof of Service of Summons. After 30 days (10/23) the 6 month clock starts ticking, after which the divorce becomes final. Hopefully all goes smoothly as planned.
Another major new development is that immediately upon his release this Friday Elson is getting on a plane, along with Deja and our son-in-law Kent and flying to Seattle where he will then live with Charlton. After several months with Charlton, he will hopefully have found an apartment nearby that will accept him. This is the best arrangement for both of us. It's going to be a hard adjustment to be living apart once he's out of prison and it will make it easier if he's out of the area. He'll also be near not only Charlton but also Brenda and the two boys. It's the best of the best scenarios.
As for me, I love my new life. The bookkeeping job at the nonprofit has become permanent. I work 3 days a week, from 10-10:30 to anywhere between 5 and 7 PM. I'm usually pretty exhausted by the time I get home, so I don't do much during the week. I spend most of my weekends with Carla and Liza, who have become very close friends. I used to see Trish every two weeks, but it's gotten much less frequent due to my work schedule and her love life. She's in the process of moving in with her boyfriend and spends every weekend with him getting his house ready for her. She's coming here this Tuesday for two nights though (first time here in a long time) and we're both looking forward to that. I still plan to look for additional bookkeeping work locally that wouldn't involve a commute, but haven't had the energy to do that yet. My current job doesn't cover my monthly expenses so I will have to get cracking on that in the new year. I'm not doing loans anymore. It's become too difficult due to the new regulations (resulting from a panicked government that seems to be blaming mortgage brokers for the financial crisis) and I also don't have the energy. I spend a huge portion of my free time crashed on my lovely new couch (purchased from the former tenant).
Another big change in my life involves my exercise program. After 20 years, I have stopped taking the exercise class at the local college. It was a hard decision because I'd made a lot of friends there who had become almost like family, but I couldn't go on the days I worked and I didn't have the energy to go on the days I didn't work. HOWEVER, there is a happy ending to this story. Carla and I have joined the local YMCA which is less than 2 miles from our home. The best thing about the "Y" is that I can go anytime up until 10 PM during the week and 5 or 6 on the weekends. With the other class, if I couldn't get up in time for the 7:45 AM class during the week, then that was it. I usually go the "Y" after work on Fridays, and on either Saturday or Sunday. The other two times I go are on Monday and Wednesday, the two days I don't work. Now here's where it gets really interesting. This is another example of how the Universe has been providing for and looking out for me. Carla and I visited the "Y" for the first time end of July, and the woman giving us the tour told us about a 3-month free class called Live Strong Live Well, sponsored by Stanford University, available for cancer patients and cancer survivors, that would be starting up again on August 24th - just in time for us! The class is not only free, but there are no monthly membership fees for the "Y" during those 3 months. Carla and I also applied for financial assistance with the membership and we both got it - the sign-up fee was waived and our monthly fee, when we do pay it, will only be $25.50 instead of $70. What a deal! The class has been great. There are two personal trainers working with us (there are 12 people in the class)and they've set us up on a series of weight bearing machines. I'm using only 11 of the 14 machines because of my shoulder issues. The machines are all computerized so that when we enter our unique code at each machine, a screen shows us our personal settings so we don't have to remember them. Not only that, but when we log out at the mother ship, it tells us the equivalent of how many pounds we've lifted in that session and to date. When I started a month ago, little weakling that I was, I was lifting the equivalent of 2450 pounds in a session. When I went this past Friday evening, I lifted the equivalent of 7950 pounds. Progress! I've gradually been increasing the weight I'm lifting at each machine plus the number of repititions that I do. I can feel the difference in my legs - they're definitely getting stronger, as are my arms. Carla and I were up in Sonoma County a couple of weekends ago visiting her daughter who'd invited us for the weekend and for the Blues Festival and on Saturday I walked over an hour without my legs giving out. That's the longest I've walked for a long time - usually my legs would give out after only 20 minutes.
However, my legs do still get weak after certain exertions, like vacuuming or running errands. My hands are gradually losing strength making it difficult to write or eat. I try to remember to squeeze a rubber ball while watching tv to help strengthen them. I have to pace myself and not plan too many activities too many days in a row. So some things are getting better because of the class and some things are still the same.
In addition to the machines, we spend around 15 minutes at the end of each class being shown certain breathing exercises or flexibility or balance exercises. It's a great class and I feel so lucky to be part of it. I'm also taking advantage of all the free classes available at the "Y". I've taken several Tai Chi classes, a beginner's Pilates class, and even a spinning class (I didn't do very well, couldn't stand up on the bike, and had to leave after a half hour - but at least I tried it!). Joining the "Y" is one of the best things I've ever done, and I keep pinching myself that it's so close to home. The people in the class have bonded and some of us are talking of getting together socially outside of class. Everyone is very upbeat and positive, no matter what the stage of their cancer is.
Speaking of cancer, Carla has now finished her several months of chemotherapy, and the bone marrow test and MRI done last week showed positive results. They are recommending she do a bone marrow transplant, though, and she is looking into that, although she's not very receptive to the idea (I don't blame her).
I still am totally in love with my apartment. Sometimes I just sit on the couch and look around me and feel so happy. On August 8th I celebrated my one year anniversary here with Carla and Liza, Liza's husband Frank and Edwin. Liza made cockles she'd gotten at Costco, they brought champagne, I also provided champage plus cheese and pate and crackers. We toasted my happy arrival here and to many more happy years. It's hard for me to remember how I felt a year and a half ago - the panic, despair, fear, the wracking sobs in the middle of the night, the hopelessness - they're just words now. Trish kept telling me to have faith, that everything would work out, that I didn't have to figure it all out and picture it at that moment, and she was right. Now when I think about the fact that I need to earn more money and find additional work, I'm not trying to figure out how it will happen, I'm just knowing that it will.
Elson gets out this Friday and thus we will both enter an entirely new chapter of our life together. We first met 32 years ago this Thursday, and October 21st would have been our 31st anniversary. That's a long time, some of it very good, some of it very bad. We will always be connected in some way. That is not necessarily a bad thing, not if I remain strong and secure in who I am. I feel confident that I will. I'm very comfortable with who I am now. When I was a young girl, I couldn't accept that anyone could not like me. I found out this girl in my class didn't like me and it bothered me to no end, kept me up nights, even though I didn't particularly like her! Well, Arlene and Wayne no longer speak to me, Deja doesn't speak to me, Charlton's new girlfriend doesn't seem particularly crazy about me......and it's all ok. I don't focus on the negative anymore - as the song goes, I accentuate the positive.
I just reread this post, and I see that I use the word "energy" a lot. That's my biggest problem resulting from the MS - lack of energy, or the impact on my energy leve. I'm hoping the class will help with this too.
Speaking of energy, I think this is more than enough for one post!
Another major new development is that immediately upon his release this Friday Elson is getting on a plane, along with Deja and our son-in-law Kent and flying to Seattle where he will then live with Charlton. After several months with Charlton, he will hopefully have found an apartment nearby that will accept him. This is the best arrangement for both of us. It's going to be a hard adjustment to be living apart once he's out of prison and it will make it easier if he's out of the area. He'll also be near not only Charlton but also Brenda and the two boys. It's the best of the best scenarios.
As for me, I love my new life. The bookkeeping job at the nonprofit has become permanent. I work 3 days a week, from 10-10:30 to anywhere between 5 and 7 PM. I'm usually pretty exhausted by the time I get home, so I don't do much during the week. I spend most of my weekends with Carla and Liza, who have become very close friends. I used to see Trish every two weeks, but it's gotten much less frequent due to my work schedule and her love life. She's in the process of moving in with her boyfriend and spends every weekend with him getting his house ready for her. She's coming here this Tuesday for two nights though (first time here in a long time) and we're both looking forward to that. I still plan to look for additional bookkeeping work locally that wouldn't involve a commute, but haven't had the energy to do that yet. My current job doesn't cover my monthly expenses so I will have to get cracking on that in the new year. I'm not doing loans anymore. It's become too difficult due to the new regulations (resulting from a panicked government that seems to be blaming mortgage brokers for the financial crisis) and I also don't have the energy. I spend a huge portion of my free time crashed on my lovely new couch (purchased from the former tenant).
Another big change in my life involves my exercise program. After 20 years, I have stopped taking the exercise class at the local college. It was a hard decision because I'd made a lot of friends there who had become almost like family, but I couldn't go on the days I worked and I didn't have the energy to go on the days I didn't work. HOWEVER, there is a happy ending to this story. Carla and I have joined the local YMCA which is less than 2 miles from our home. The best thing about the "Y" is that I can go anytime up until 10 PM during the week and 5 or 6 on the weekends. With the other class, if I couldn't get up in time for the 7:45 AM class during the week, then that was it. I usually go the "Y" after work on Fridays, and on either Saturday or Sunday. The other two times I go are on Monday and Wednesday, the two days I don't work. Now here's where it gets really interesting. This is another example of how the Universe has been providing for and looking out for me. Carla and I visited the "Y" for the first time end of July, and the woman giving us the tour told us about a 3-month free class called Live Strong Live Well, sponsored by Stanford University, available for cancer patients and cancer survivors, that would be starting up again on August 24th - just in time for us! The class is not only free, but there are no monthly membership fees for the "Y" during those 3 months. Carla and I also applied for financial assistance with the membership and we both got it - the sign-up fee was waived and our monthly fee, when we do pay it, will only be $25.50 instead of $70. What a deal! The class has been great. There are two personal trainers working with us (there are 12 people in the class)and they've set us up on a series of weight bearing machines. I'm using only 11 of the 14 machines because of my shoulder issues. The machines are all computerized so that when we enter our unique code at each machine, a screen shows us our personal settings so we don't have to remember them. Not only that, but when we log out at the mother ship, it tells us the equivalent of how many pounds we've lifted in that session and to date. When I started a month ago, little weakling that I was, I was lifting the equivalent of 2450 pounds in a session. When I went this past Friday evening, I lifted the equivalent of 7950 pounds. Progress! I've gradually been increasing the weight I'm lifting at each machine plus the number of repititions that I do. I can feel the difference in my legs - they're definitely getting stronger, as are my arms. Carla and I were up in Sonoma County a couple of weekends ago visiting her daughter who'd invited us for the weekend and for the Blues Festival and on Saturday I walked over an hour without my legs giving out. That's the longest I've walked for a long time - usually my legs would give out after only 20 minutes.
However, my legs do still get weak after certain exertions, like vacuuming or running errands. My hands are gradually losing strength making it difficult to write or eat. I try to remember to squeeze a rubber ball while watching tv to help strengthen them. I have to pace myself and not plan too many activities too many days in a row. So some things are getting better because of the class and some things are still the same.
In addition to the machines, we spend around 15 minutes at the end of each class being shown certain breathing exercises or flexibility or balance exercises. It's a great class and I feel so lucky to be part of it. I'm also taking advantage of all the free classes available at the "Y". I've taken several Tai Chi classes, a beginner's Pilates class, and even a spinning class (I didn't do very well, couldn't stand up on the bike, and had to leave after a half hour - but at least I tried it!). Joining the "Y" is one of the best things I've ever done, and I keep pinching myself that it's so close to home. The people in the class have bonded and some of us are talking of getting together socially outside of class. Everyone is very upbeat and positive, no matter what the stage of their cancer is.
Speaking of cancer, Carla has now finished her several months of chemotherapy, and the bone marrow test and MRI done last week showed positive results. They are recommending she do a bone marrow transplant, though, and she is looking into that, although she's not very receptive to the idea (I don't blame her).
I still am totally in love with my apartment. Sometimes I just sit on the couch and look around me and feel so happy. On August 8th I celebrated my one year anniversary here with Carla and Liza, Liza's husband Frank and Edwin. Liza made cockles she'd gotten at Costco, they brought champagne, I also provided champage plus cheese and pate and crackers. We toasted my happy arrival here and to many more happy years. It's hard for me to remember how I felt a year and a half ago - the panic, despair, fear, the wracking sobs in the middle of the night, the hopelessness - they're just words now. Trish kept telling me to have faith, that everything would work out, that I didn't have to figure it all out and picture it at that moment, and she was right. Now when I think about the fact that I need to earn more money and find additional work, I'm not trying to figure out how it will happen, I'm just knowing that it will.
Elson gets out this Friday and thus we will both enter an entirely new chapter of our life together. We first met 32 years ago this Thursday, and October 21st would have been our 31st anniversary. That's a long time, some of it very good, some of it very bad. We will always be connected in some way. That is not necessarily a bad thing, not if I remain strong and secure in who I am. I feel confident that I will. I'm very comfortable with who I am now. When I was a young girl, I couldn't accept that anyone could not like me. I found out this girl in my class didn't like me and it bothered me to no end, kept me up nights, even though I didn't particularly like her! Well, Arlene and Wayne no longer speak to me, Deja doesn't speak to me, Charlton's new girlfriend doesn't seem particularly crazy about me......and it's all ok. I don't focus on the negative anymore - as the song goes, I accentuate the positive.
I just reread this post, and I see that I use the word "energy" a lot. That's my biggest problem resulting from the MS - lack of energy, or the impact on my energy leve. I'm hoping the class will help with this too.
Speaking of energy, I think this is more than enough for one post!
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