Strong versus Fragile

A friend who's been reading the blog said to me in an email: "how can you be so strong and look so fragile?" This struck me because I'd never thought of myself as looking fragile. Then I remembered that I'd been looking fragile in photos the last year - my eyes were red and I seemed always on the verge of tears - even though in actuality I'd been fine, as far as I could recall. I hadn't liked these photos and have deleted most of them. But today I went through my file and found a couple. Sure enough - red eyes, weepy look, trembly lips. I started mentioning it to Wayne when he arrived here today to work on the house, and he exclaimed that they'd noticed last night at dinner how different I looked from how I'd looked just several months ago. He said that when we'd had dinner together back in October I looked beaten, crushed, folded within as though in a fetal position. Last night, however, he said I was exuberant, outgoing, relaxed, happy, and he was wishing he'd taken a photograph. I wish he had, too. I want to eradicate those old images from my mind. I'm so happy to have outer confirmation that I am NO LONGER FRAGILE.

Wayne and Arlene are driving me to Atwater tomorrow to visit Elson. This will be the first time in 2 months that I will have seen him and the first time we agreed on a divorce and I told him I'm moving out of the house. A lot has happened since then. I will be posting a summary on Monday of how it went.